By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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