I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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