I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
