Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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