Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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