I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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