covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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