1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
