No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
