I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
