Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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