He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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