Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
