i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
