I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
