The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't think brook has ever known best
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
