Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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