Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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