Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
