You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
