we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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