Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
