dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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