She said her name was "party"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
