Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
