my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
