false alarm. still invincible.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
