so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
