Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
