i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found your dick twin last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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