Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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