I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
