If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
