I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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