DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
