Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
