why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the raccoons are back...
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