Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
