we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
