Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
