She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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