Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
