My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
