Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
