I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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