Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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