And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
