i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
