I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think my fart just growled at me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
