I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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